On Monday we lost a very special person in our lives. Shawn's mom - my mother-in-law Sandi.
She was not only a Wife, Mother, Mother-in-law, Grandmother, Sister, Aunt, and Friend - she was a light during the sad times, a great ear, the rock to keep you planted on the ground, an honest answer and full of love. There is no question in my mind that she will be greatly missed and that anyone that has had the honor of meeting Sandi will never forget her and will always smile when they think of her.
Knowing that Cancer was taking a toll on her body and causing pain makes it 0.0001% easier to handle that she has crossed through the pearly gates and is watching over all of us; but it really doesn't make it any easier because in reality it just plain sucks.
A few of the things that I get sad about when I think about this fact:
I am:
short one person to tell good news to,
to kid with about moving closer to us,
to get a hug from,
to get a smile from,
to joke with about how much time something should cook,
to watch smile when my kids are around.
These are just a few of the thoughts that make me tear up. Yesterday really brought these to light as Aine and I went to her 6 month cardiology appointment. On a normal basis, I would tell Shawn and he would tell his mom, who would tell his dad - I can hear the pleased tone in her voice as they have a discussion and the HOT DOG!! coming out of his dad's mouth - but the reality of it..... it Didn't happen! Why??? cancer - that's why.
I try to remember that she Was with me - I brought her with, with a gift that was given to me. A gift I would have never asked for, nor expected to receive. A gift that I never realized she had given me the entire time we knew each other. STRENGTH! The strength to carry on even during the hardest times in our lives. The strength to know when to fight, the strength to know when to call on someone whether they are "here" or not, the strength to stand tall even when others are trying to pull you down. Strength is never a weakness - you just need to know what type of strength you need at that current minute and use it to the best of your ability. Never give up - pursue what you want and never look back.
Today my thoughts have been all over the place, but most of them have gone directly back to Sandi.
The first day we met - she pointed out a sun catcher and informed me it was so no one walked through the screen door.
The first time she saw me without my shoes on (I wore heels way back in the day) and her comment - "MY! You Are short!!"
The first time I walked out of the dressing room while trying on wedding dresses and her face turned just enough to let me know she didn't like the dress. (I did Not get that dress)
The hug I received after Shawn and I said "I do"
The repeated looks at the bibs we gave them to announce we were pregnant with Liam.
The joy on her face every Christmas when we would walk into the living room and see her beautiful tree. I was always amazed at how it looks - Stunning!
The joy she got in "hiding" that she was showing me something for Shawn or one of the kids.
The not so Awed face when she saw our Christmas tree which was decked out in retro ornaments and so flashy that it could probably be seen from miles away ;)
Our trip to South Dakota. (She posted and we Loved having her with us).
Sitting for hours at their kitchen table talking, laughing, and smiling.
And walking into a room and smelling her perfume. It was always the same - Victoria's Secret.
I know she knows that Aine's appointment went well yesterday and that there are no changes from the echo that was performed 6 months ago. That we will hopefully be able to do a chest CT scan without sedation (as long as no other procedures are needed). That her cardiologist feels she looks the best she has ever looked and enjoyed seeing her so mature.
I will forever be grateful that I had the honor of meeting her, that she accepted me into her life and loved me like another daughter.
Love you Sandi!
