I know it has been WAY too long since I have updated everyone on how things are going, and sadly that is going to have to wait as I have to get a Very serious issue off my mind.
Shawn and I have been dealing with a decline in Liam's attitude. He has started to either be sad or angry ALL the time. He is VERY oppositional and having nightmares to the point he crawls in with me as soon as he feels safe to leave his bed.
The above is NOT my child. He is a ray of sunshine (most of the time :0 ) who loves to test your knowledge, learn TONS, and enjoys spending time with his friends, playing with trains, super heroes/Star Wars, Angry birds, Legos, swinging, reading and did I say learning?
This serious business started to affect him in small slow ways - so small and slow that Shawn and I were questioning our parenting and starting to argue about what to do and change at home to make Liam change his behavior because I was at my wits end by the time Shawn would get home from work.
Liam and I were arguing soo much he would opt to read or go swing outside by himself instead of dealing with me constantly asking him to stop arguing with me.
I strongly believe that with the help of Karate, swimming, horseback riding, his teachers, friends and family Liam was able to finally make the correct choice - the choice??? To Stand UP for his friend, which lead to Standing UP for Himself!
You see, Liam and a friend have been being bullied on the bus.
Why didn't we know about it?
How did we Not know this was happening?
How could we blame ourselves for his change in attitude?
How could we not figure it out until now?
All of these are questions have been running through my mind and there is one key factor Shawn and I have never taught Liam.
That there is a difference - a difference between tattling and reporting.
Liam didn't want to tattle because that is wrong - and if you know him personally, you know he tries to always do the right thing.
However - what he didn't understand is that "telling me" (oooops - there's that tattling word!) about a problem is actually REPORTING it to me which is NOT wrong.
So..... where does this leave things?
Well.....
The problem is not resolved as of this time, but all things are moving in the direction that they should be.
Liam was HAPPY this morning when he left and actually hugged me last night in a super relaxed way. He didn't have a nightmare last night and is excited that his sister and I will be picking him up today after school - because what better way to start the weekend???
How are we handling this?
1) We are using this as a learning experience
2) We are using this as an educational experience
3) We will be changing how we have conversations. "It's OK to tell me" will no longer be used. Reporting and tattling will now instead be used.
4) We will explain reporting better
5) We will explain tattling better
6) We will continue to discuss appropriate vs inappropriate behavior
7) We will continue to monitor his behavior and ask questions differently.
How will we ask this differently?
Here are some examples of the NEW question format we will be using.
1) What was your favorite part of the day?
2) What was your least favorite part of the day?
3) Who did you sit by at lunch?
4) Who did you play with at recess?
5) What did you play at recess?
6) Who did you sit by on the bus?
7) Where did you sit on the bus? (Seat or floor?)
If on the floor: Why were you on the floor?
8) Did you move seats on the bus?
9) What made you move seats on the bus?
10) Did you play with toys on the bus?
11) Did everyone nicely give the toys back to who they belong to?
While I know that bullying has been around forever - there is no need for it, but keeping in mind that there is usually a reason that it is occurring everyone needs to work together to stop it in its track.
As I tell Liam - Stop - Back up the freight train and think about it. Don't repeat the negative - only the positive.
It is a parents responsibility to teach kids right from wrong, while utilizing the village to cement the positive behavior you have instilled in your own child. Thank those that have helped you harden the concrete and make your foundation stronger. Remove those that try to add too much water and ruin your hard work.
As an individual we can be stronger than we think we are and conquer a lot, but as a village we can pave the way to a bright future for our kids.
What can you do to help?
1) Don't feel sorry for Liam and his friends - commend them for doing the right thing
2) Stop and help at least one person EVERYDAY
3) Don't stand by and watch someone being bullied
4) SHOW your kiddos how they should act - please and thank you go a long ways
5) Act how you EXPECT your kids to act
6) EXPECT your children to act and treat others appropriately
7) Teach them it is OK to question things they don't understand
8) Teach them the difference between tattling and reporting
9) Know YOU can make a difference and the choice is Yours and your alone whether it is going to be positive or negative difference.
10) THANK those that help you, especially if they are apart of the village.
11) Apologize if you do something wrong.
There is another key part in all of this.
FORGIVENESS
You are the only one that will be able to truly heal yourself or affected family member.
Forgiveness is a huge part in the healing process and can also shed new light on a bad situation.
Because why let a negative situation water down thee concrete you worked so hard to pour?
You will become stronger and a better villager.
Please feel free to comment or share your personal stories, if they have been resolved, how they were resolved, and what you have learned from your experience.
Have a Great Weekend!!
